VOL 145 Issue 60

Expectant first-time fathers who have just exited Target after their first shopping-for-baby trip experience by far the highest level of anxiety-fueled cardiovascular trauma of any population, according to FitBit, competing fitness trackers and mood rings. Acute panic and related distress peak two-three weeks before a baby is born, when a father-to-be has been dragged after work to Target, a store he’d rarely if ever patronized, by the soon-to-be mom. Big Data—confidentially curated from devices that monitor heart rate and wellness, and incorporate GPS feeds—indicates that when the future dad struggles to push a red cart overflowing with diapers, clothes, wipes, medicine, ointments, room accessories and other cute and necessary supplies, then softly asks, “So how much did we spend in there?” and receives the answer—that is precisely the moment when medical professionals should be no farther than 20 paces, with transportation revving and emergency cardiac care on standby at the nearest hospital.