VOL 478  Issue 23

Next month Ford Motor Company’s Lincoln division will introduce “The McConaughey” to celebrate the actor’s tasteful and successful advertising campaign for the Continental, as well as his distinctive personality and values. The luxury sedan exudes a taut, sleek, somewhat waxen, intense, stoner Zen design, and features engraved Wild Turkey glass holders, monogrammed bongo drum and stand, clothes hamper and, predictably, DVD players preloaded with a signature movie library. Through a delightfully calculated marketing ploy, Lincoln will sell the limited-edition McConaughey to only 500 women and only 100 men. Auto insurers are reportedly still simulating how the model will be used by groups of unpredictable hipsters, so that they can offer the appropriate coverage.