VOL 32 Issue 32

While stirring his three o’clock Keurig and chatting with a colleague whose name he’d forgotten, Jonas Gunnysack abruptly broke out in a big-time rant about coworkers who brush their teeth after lunch in the men’s room. With haughty dismissiveness, the low-level manager scoffed at those fastidious losers who are compelled to clean their teeth excessively. After all, everyone knows twice is more than enough—in the morning and at night—and anything more just shows you’re a mindless slave to sterility, snorted Gunnysack, who has not been promoted in 24 years. Standing there in their pressed suits, rinsing and spitting–it’s like they’re trying to prove they always toe the line, added the stagnant professional who doesn’t like data to interfere with his work product, and who lost his train of thought as he climbed back on his high horse, which waddled back down the hall.