VOL 57 ISSUE 8.2

In his eulogy for the man he loathed, Lazarus Dumthwacky related how one day his father watched him take out two painkiller pills and awkwardly jam the cotton back into the bottle, and then absolutely lit into him—questioning his manhood, intelligence and capability to navigate this modern life—before revealing that the cotton was meant to be discarded after removal. “I told Da-Da I didn’t know the cotton was employed only to preserve the integrity of the tablets during transportation,” Dumthwacky confessed, “I thought it kept the medicine fresh.” His response prompted a more vicious character assault that dwelled on the daily shame the father experienced whenever he considered his only child. The episode awoke and transformed Dumthwacky, a credit risk analyst, and made him the man he is today, he robotically told the dry-eyed mourners.