VOL 3392  ISSUE 2.2     Celebrities and Media

Actor, model and author Alfred E. Neuman is presently experiencing a spike in popularity, after a lull of two or three decades, commanding six-figure fees for appearances and speaking engagements, and evaluating a spate of TV and web deals, according to sources close to the free spirit. The resurgence is due solely to those readers of the Drudge Report, the dominant news aggregator, who are not righteously angered, troubled, or threatened by current events, polarized political climate, or the general state of our times. Famously wired not to worry, Neuman offers a devil-may-care smile and shrug that is suddenly widely appealing. “Before, I would read Drudge and burn up and want to hurt people, especially minorities,” said Toby Helps of Kalamazoo, MI. “AEN has changed all that. He’s not just an antidote or a breath of fresh air, he’s a miracle worker on the golden path to a better future. I still read Drudge three or four times a day because it’s so real about the corruption and tyranny of the limousine liberals who are trampling American values and ruining us, but as soon as I’m done, I turn to Alfred and he totally calms my soul.” Web traffic analysts estimate this October more than 5 million people are jumping every day from Drudge Report to Neuman-related media. In a possibly related development, streaming of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” Bobby McFerrin’s hit song from 1988, has increased a hundredfold.