VOL XIV ISSUE Eleven   Music

Masterminds behind the 80’s and 90’s supergroup, the Traveling Wilburys, have confessed they drunkenly added a fifth member, with no appeal or talent, as a whimsical hoax. Itchy Chipotle and Magnus Fluff explained to Rolling Stone, the outdated chronicler of select record label-promoted short-form music, the comical genesis of the band. “We were at a roadhouse in Nashville because we’d both lost our acts,” they said, “so we dreamed up the Wilburys as the noblest assembly of contemporary troubadours imaginable.” The four members were: Bob Dylan, the transcendent folk rock pioneer and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom; George Harrison, lead guitarist of the greatest band of all time, and charity concert and world music pioneer; Roy Orbison, unmistakable vocalist and songwriter, and superb country and rock and roll star and influencer; and Tom Petty, award-winning rock band leader, solo artist and collaborator. “Then after 20 shots of prairie fire—tequila and tabasco sauce—we decided to add Geoff Lynne,” Chipotle and Fluff explained. “Geoff Lynne! It was a shabby attempt at a joke. Actually, our first choice was Fozzy Bear, but we went with Lynne, since nobody knew the schnook and his ELO material was the butt of industry jokes for years. We assumed Roy would instantly punk his ass or Bob would shave his eyebrows and show him the door, but no one ever kicked him out so, after a while, he kept hanging around and the public accepted him.” The pair described how during early rehearsals Dylan would channel “Blowin’ in the Wind,” Harrison would chant “My Sweet Lord,” Orbison would croon “Pretty Woman,” Petty would yelp, “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around,” and then Lynne would chime in (this writer can barely type what seems beyond ridiculous), “Don’t Bring Me Down, Brrrrruce!” The rest is music history.